Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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