The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
