I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
