I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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