I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
