please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
