Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
