between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
