i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize