ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you had me at cake vodka
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
