I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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