She said her name was "party"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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