Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
