u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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