i would punch a child for taco bell
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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