we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
