Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
