is your mom at the bar?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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