Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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