So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
