I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
