I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
