i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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