There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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