rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
