I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize