Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
