I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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