I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize