he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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