i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
