She said her name was "party"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
