Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
