If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
