I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize