Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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