AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize