I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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