Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
