Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
