We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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