sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
