tell your sister to shave her snatch
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize