Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
