I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
