biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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