we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
