I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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