I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
