yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
