C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
