Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
