Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am one with the molecules
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
