I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
