walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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