Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am available for nakedness
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