I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
