I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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