I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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