I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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