At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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