She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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