I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
