The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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