just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
