can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize