Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
