I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
