So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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