Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
