it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
