I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize