I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
