That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
