The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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