I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
