Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
