she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
