I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
