I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
