maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
