The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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