Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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