Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
