Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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