Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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