Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
