I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
