Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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