Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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