it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
