Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
