dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
