Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize