Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
