Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
