Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
