We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
