it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
