Yo dont text me then not text me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
