Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
