She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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