My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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