i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
