so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
