hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
